But why can’t we have International Men’s Day?
“Pfft, you women, you say you want equality but you have a whole day to yourselves and we men don’t do we”. OK, it was a tweet. But I still saw it.
Well it’s good news, men. You can have International Men’s Day. But first you do have to fulfil the following criteria:
Every time you leave your front door, think about what you’re wearing. Ask yourself, is this likely to spark off a cacophony from passing women, who are physically bigger and stronger and will therefore make me feel vulnerable and threatened just for leaving my own front door in jeans and a jumper
Don’t go out on your own after dark. Well preferably don’t go out on your own. If you do go out on your own, especially after dark, and suffer a criminal act, expect people to ask why you were out on your own. And at that time of night. And what you were doing
You do “x” like a boy is an insult. Also “boyish” is an insult. From here on in, just for being in your own skin, you’ll be told you’re weak and inferior. But don’t worry. 1 day out of every 365 we’ll celebrate you, so it’s OK
4.8% of CEO positions at S&P 500 companies will be held by men
At many academic institutions, only 1 in 10 professors will be male, although you’ll be pleased to know that at lower grades, you’re almost on parity, so you know, what’s the fuss
You’ll live with the fear that around 1 in 5 men will be raped in their lifetime and that if that happens to you, someone will say it was your fault for doing something. It doesn’t matter what that was. It could have been being out late, wearing the “wrong” thing, being drunk, trusting someone. Anything. Because some people fail to realise and acknowledge that rape is the fault of rapists, not that of their victims. Because some people persist in believing myths about rape.
You’ll live with the knowledge that you’ll always earn less than women, whether you choose to have children or not
You’ll read articles about your achievements as an astrophysicist that start “Dave is a father of two, how does he fit it all in?”
Almost every film that you watch will leave you feeling disengaged because 90% of the cast are white and female and the 10% that aren’t will get shot early on or wait on tables. Or get shot whilst waiting on tables
Someone will develop a test asking if at least two men in a work of fiction talk about something other than a woman. At least half of all films will fail this test because they will all be about women doing women things
You’ll be told that an alien with two hearts who time travels, solves the world’s problems with a sonic screwdriver, regenerates, and travels in a box that’s bigger on the inside than it is on the outside can’t be male, because that would be really weird
You’ll be told you’re shrewish, bold, hysterical, rude or bossy just for doing your job and expressing an opinion. You’ll have a nagging feeling that women don’t get treated like that
Women will explain things to you. Even when you have a PhD in the topic and a wealth of work experience and they have neither of these things and are clearly wrong, they will explain your own job to you. They will call you a boy whilst they do this, even though you’re 38. Then when you object, they’ll say you’re being hysterical
When we give people two equal CVs, one with a male name and one with a female name, people will judge the one with the man’s name on more harshly
Famous male authors will be told to publish as women or just use initials instead of a full first name because a book by Joe Rowling wouldn’t sell
We’ll give you one day to celebrate you and someone will manage to ruin even that by saying “but it’s not fair, why do you get a whole day to yourself?”