Dear Facebook

What’s happening? Well, since you ask. It’s grey. And dull. It’s been really grey and dull all day, as if noon decided to masquerade as twilight. Consequently, I’ve been pondering whether or not to buy a SAD light, or at least a light to combat SAD. Feel free to populate that scroll bar to the right with adverts for said SAD light.

Go on, I dare you, do something useful for once. Advertise a daylight lamp for me. No, not the ‘Lose 1 stone in a week’ ad. Or that picture of a lime that promises I’ll lose 5kg in a week (how, by eating limes all day? Will I have a bowel left at the end?) Ditch the Rihanna weight loss plan as well. If you’d seen me you’d be trying to sell me more pies. And nix the ad selling me a degree from Liverpool as well. I have three degrees. Given that my career prospects seem to have descended with each degree, I fear a fourth will see me on an unpaid job placement with Holland & Barrett.

While I’m on this topic, now I’ve got the bull by the horns, not the Louboutins either. They look nice but I can’t afford them. Try selling me boots for horses, you may have more luck. NYC hotel deals are also useless for much the same reason. Here’s a tip. If anyone has a picture of a horse for their avatar, try selling them really really cheap stuff. Go on, give it a go. All horse owners are broke. Tell us what’s on offer in Lidl and Wilkinsons and we’ll be in there like rats up a drainpipe.

And no. I don’t want to click the little camera icon to add a photo so stop nagging me to do so. I’m middle aged. And grumpy. I got through the first 25 years of my life with no internet access and no mobile phone. I don’t want to add another picture of my dinner. When I want to ‘update my status’ I will do so without your apparent explosion of Americanisms to help me.

That’s all for now, ta. Hugs and stuff. Helen
PS Lamps, lamps, lamps. And more lamps. Thx.